Talk It Through: A Guide to
Difficult Workplace Conversations

By: Stephen De Wit

Healthcare professionals work in environments where communication, collaboration, and strong working relationships are essential. At times, this can mean having conversations that feel uncomfortable or difficult.

You may need to give feedback to a colleague, raise a concern with your manager, address something that happened during a shift, or talk about a workplace relationship that does not feel right. These conversations can be challenging, particularly when work is busy or emotions are involved. It can be tempting to wait and hope the issue works itself out. Sometimes it does. Other times, avoiding the conversation can allow frustration, uncertainty, or resentment to build and affect working relationships, well-being, or the ability to work together effectively.

This tip sheet offers a simple way to prepare for and approach difficult workplace conversations. The goal is not to eliminate discomfort or guarantee a particular outcome, but to help you enter the conversation with greater clarity, curiosity and respect—for the other person and for yourself.

Before the conversation: Check in with yourself

Before deciding what to say, take a moment to notice what is happening for you.

Ask yourself:

  • What am I feeling right now? Am I frustrated, hurt, angry, anxious or overwhelmed?
  • Is now the best time to have this conversation? If you’re highly emotional or rushed, it may help to give yourself some time first.
  • What actually happened? Try to separate what you observed from what you think it means.
  • What story am I telling myself about the other person?
  • What else might be true? Is there information or context you may not know?
  • What do I want to be different as a result of this conversation?

Sometimes simply pausing and taking a few slow breaths can help bring down the intensity enough to think more clearly.

The goal is not to talk yourself out of what you are feeling. It’s to understand what is happening for you before bringing it to someone else.

Ask yourself: Does this need a conversation?

Not every frustrating interaction requires a follow up conversation.

Consider:

  • Is the issue still bothering me after I’ve had some time to think?
  • Is it affecting how I work with this person?
  • Is it affecting my ability to do my job or provide care?
  • Is resentment starting to build?
  • Is there something I need that the other person may not know about?
  • Would more information help me understand what happened?
  • Is there a boundary, expectation or concern that needs to be communicated?

If the answer to several of these is yes, having the conversation may be helpful.

During the conversation: Try L.I.T.A.™

L.I.T.A.™ is a framework for creating some context before getting into the difficult part of a conversation.

Start with something you genuinely like, value or appreciate about the person or your working relationship.

For example:

  • “I really enjoy working with you.”
  • “I appreciate how much you care about our residents.”
  • “I value being able to work through things together.”

This is not about giving a compliment to soften the person up. Keep it genuine.

Explain why this conversation or relationship matters to you.

For example:

  • “It’s important to me that we can talk when something isn’t working.”
  • “I want us to have a good working relationship.”
  • “It’s important that we can bring concerns to each other.”

This helps the other person understand where you are coming from.

Name the issue clearly.

Try to focus on what happened and how it affected you rather than making assumptions about the other person’s intentions.

For example:

  • “I wanted to talk about what happened during our shift yesterday.”
  • “When that happened, I left feeling unsupported.”
  • “I wanted to check in because something hasn’t been sitting right with me.”

You do not need a long introduction. Once you have created some context, name the thing you need to discuss.

There are two important asks.

First, ask whether now is a good time:

  • “Are you open to having this conversation right now?”

If the answer is no, try not to assume it means the person is unwilling to talk.

Ask:

  • “When would be a good time?”

A no to right now doesn’t have to mean a no to the conversation.

Second, ask for their perspective:

  • “I’d really like to hear your thoughts.”
  • “What was going on for you?”
  • “Is there something I’m missing?”
  • “How did you experience what happened?”

This turns the conversation from simply delivering a complaint into something you can work through together.

After the conversation: Check in with yourself again

A difficult conversation doesn’t have to be perfect to be useful.

Afterward, ask yourself:

  • Did the other person have an opportunity to feel seen, heard and respected?
  • Did I feel seen, heard and respected?
  • Did I listen as much as I spoke?
  • Did I learn something I didn’t know before?
  • Is anything still unresolved?
  • Is there a next step we agreed to take?
  • Is another conversation needed?

The goal isn’t to “get it right” every time.

It’s to learn from each conversation and become more comfortable and confident with practice..

Remember

A difficult conversation can still feel uncomfortable even when it goes well.  That’s OK!

The aim is not to become someone who enjoys difficult conversations or to resolve every issue perfectly. It is to become more able to address concerns, communicate your needs and perspectives, stay open to the perspectives of others, and most importantly, to have the conversations that matter before avoidance creates even more tension.

When a conversation feels necessary, start by pausing and getting clear on what is happening for you. Consider what you would like to communicate and stay curious about what may be happening for the other person. Then use L.I.T.A.™ to help you begin.

Sometimes the conversation we are most tempted to avoid is the one that can make working together a little easier. Addressing concerns early can sometimes prevent frustration, uncertainty, or tension from building and can help support stronger working relationships over time.